Restaurant Widow

Whole Food Trattoria

We are one of 2 cities in the US fortunate enough to have a restaurant located in the center of our Whole Foods Market - this is completely separate from the food court, and is conveniently located between the wine shop and the cheese counter.  I say conveniently because you can make trips to either while waiting for your meal.  It had never really occurred to me that I might write a review of the counter, being that it is and overpriced lunch oasis in the middle of a grocery store, doesn't have a full staff, etc. etc, but seeing as both Columbus Monthly and the Columbus Dispatch reviewed it as though it were a "real" restaurant, when Husband suggested we eat there whilst shopping for our Christmas party, I thought I'd take the opportunity to follow suit.

Service could be spotty.  We were there a little early for the lunch rush - around 11:30, and were therefore eating with some of the trattoria employees.  Although we were given water and bread in relatively short order, there was no communication between the three employees behind the counter (for, at that time, just the 2 of us), and no one took our order.  Nor did anyone ask a fellow employee if they had taken our order.  We finally asked with whom we should place our order.
 
We could see the workers assembling the food, and this is both blessing and curse, and the reason why I cannot take this seriously as a restaurant.  If I were dining in a restaurant and saw the line cooks take anything premade from a container and slather it on toast, I would question the integrity of the establishment, especially if I were paying over $20 for the privilege of dining there at lunch.  We started with the crostini plate - toasted baguette discs topped with (all premade) roasted red pepper spread, lightly truffled (and good) artichoke heart spread, and tapanade.  The plate was drizzled with olive oil and dusted with Parmesan.  While good, I couldn't help but think I might as well be eating from the sample aisle, and wondering why I was paying $6 so that someone could demonstrate for me the wonders I can work with Whole Foods Market take-home spreads and baguettes.

Next up, the Mediterranean salad, a decent mix of undressed mesclun greens topped with artichoke hearts, olives, tomatoes and sauteed Haloumi (a slightly rubbery Greek sheep's milk cheese which does not change shape when it melts, making it a nice, meaty alternative to meat or tofu).  Haloumi is rather salty on its own, and I couldn't fathom why anyone would add salt to it - I love my salt, but this was almost unpalatably salty.  Furthermore, and this might sound whiny, but the plate was ridiculously small for the size of the salad.   Every time we tried to take a bite, three other things fell off the plate onto the counter, and the undressed nature of the greens meant there was nothing to glue the mess to the plate.  All in all, however, the salad came out as the winner, especially given it's price tag of $5, the least expensive item on the menu.  Add some shrimp for $3, as did the lady next to us, and you almost have a reason to dine here.

We also opted for one of my favorite seasonal dishes which I rarely indulge in, given the nature of its being loaded with butter and all - pumpkin tortellini in sage brown butter sauce.  Whole Foods' version is premade, out of the box fresh pasta, tossed in loads of brown butter and topped with spiced pecans.  The filling was good enough, but the pasta was so thick and undercooked it was literally difficult to swallow.  I found myself trying to dig out the filling to no avail, simply to get my money's worth ($9).  I also would have liked another handful of sage in the sauce, but the nuts were good.  This was a tragic interpretation of a favorite cold weather dish, and I was getting really irritated by this point, as I am perfectly capable of not only properly cooking Whole Foods' ready-to-boil tortellini and burning some butter, I could probably make my own from scratch and not create and inedible knot of pasta.  Total tab for these three items - appetizer, salad, entree - was $21, plus tip.  The only saving grace was seeing a wine rep we knew who couriered over some flutes of good champagne, and that had nothing to do with Whole Foods.

I hate to sound like some of the other critics in Columbus, who whine about the presence of sweet things in savory dishes, the oversalting of side dishes, and the undercooking of green things, but I would like to pause here to discuss proper filled pasta cooking.  I have never been to Italy, but I have had a fair number of filled, homemade pastas in my time, and after consulting with Husband, who has been to Italy and ate a fair number of filled, homemade pastas there, we have concluded: pasta which contains a filling has a job to do, contain filling.  It is a filling delivery system.  It should be soft and delicate - the best should be practically see-through, not hard, chewy, and constantly threatening to choke me.  I know it takes time to do it the right way, and the pasta might break if boiled too hard and blah, blah, blah.  It's no excuse. This goes for you, too, La Tavola.  Okay, I have to stop this rant, my throat hurts just discussing it.

I can see for people who work in the area, Whole Foods might be a refreshing change after eating a lot of fast food, and for the many wine and food reps who visit daily, it's probably a nice place to take a load off halfway through the day, but other than that, if ever you find yourself at Whole Foods and you are starving, skip everything, and I mean everything - their prepared food is so mediocre yet criminally overpriced you are better off boiling dried pasta and mixing in sauce from a jar - and head over to their pizza oven.  The pizza at Whole Foods is actually pretty decent.  They will heat it up for you in their oven just before you eat it, and if you flirt with the pizza guy you might just get an extra slice (it occurred to me the other day that they probably tell the pizza guys to do this just so that girls like me will feel flattered and keep coming back).  But, at $2.50 a slice, it's probably the only deal to be had in the entire store.

Info:  Whole Foods Market, particularly the "trattoria" therein, 3670 W. Dublin-Granville Road (Northwest side) 614.760.5556

Crumbs From the Week

Well, the glitter has settled, the cats are back to calmly sleeping on the furniture, the martini glasses are polished and put away, the dishwasher is finally quiet after 24 hours of nonstop running (so it would seem), and once again there are dust kitties floating on the stairs.  Our Christmas party has come and gone.  When you have a holiday party, it sort of seems as though the holidays are over.  Indeed, we sighed a huge sigh of relief and accomplishment as we gathered the remnants of the party, and then over dinner last night, Husband said "we really should start our Christmas shopping soon."  Ah, it's the holiday season.

Here are a few snacks to tide you over until I can do a full post soon:

• Special thanks to Jeni of Jeni's Ice Creams for her article in the North Market Holiday Newsletter (alas, it doesn't seem to be online).  I picked one up while doing last minute party shopping Sunday afternoon and lo and behold, there's my website listed, along with Columbus Foodie and Rosie's Kitchen!  Thanks Jeni!  If I have any readers who were referred by the newsletter, please drop me a line.
• I am pleased to report the risotto at Giuseppe's was just as delicious the second time as the first.  Always a good sign.  Husband and I were in last night for our post-party wind down and he couldn't resist having it again.  I tried the Gamberi Diavola (shrimp in spicy sauce with spaghetti) and it was also very tasty, certainly not skimping on the shrimp. Alas, no photos. 
• Someone very nice gave me a copy of Amy Sedaris' fabulous new entertaining book, I Like You, so look for some great retro dishes very soon.  It's a nice gift for anyone on your list with a twisted sense of humor.  I wouldn't recommend it for mom - the subtitle is, after all, "Hospitality Under the Influence," but it would be great for the snarky, martini-swilling happy hostess in your life.
• Oink, Moo Cluck Farm is offering winter delivery in this, the non-farm market season.  The minimum order is somewhere around $40, so you don't have to purchase an entire side of beef or anything.  They have everything from (really good) Italian sausage to steaks, chickens breasts, pork chops and bacon.  the deadline to order is tomorrow, Wednesday December 13th.  Please support your local farmers in the off season!  They will deliver on Saturday.

Happy shopping!  Or happy grousing if you are a humbug!

What Should I Do in Columbus This Weekend? December 8th Edition

I love Christmas.  Well, I love this Christmas, anyway.  This is the first Holiday season in which: I have only had one job and/or have not worked in retail.  Last year I was still baking and serving, and the 3 years before I was working at Williams Sonoma and serving.  And before that, I was working in my corporate nightmare, Big Clothing Retailer, where, just because I had a desk job, didn't mean I wasn't expected to go out to the warehouse and pick orders for the 2 weeks leading up to Christmas.  It is also the first season in which Husband has only had one job or wasn't working 70 hours a week.  2 Christmases ago, our first Christmas in a house we owned, with my family in town, Husband found himself the only manager in his bar, working from noon to 3 or 4 in the morning every day for over a month.  You can imagine how fun that holiday was.

All of that to say, this Christmas we are having a party and enjoying the season.  We've even had our first snow in Columbus, and it's bitterly cold to boot, just to be sure we know it's winter.  So, let's all get out there and enjoy it. 

I will refer to last week's edition, wherein I mentioned Skate on State, Shiny, Santaland Diaries, and other ongoing holiday events.

• Tonight, December 8th, is the Grand Opening of the restaurant inside BoMA, aka the Bar of Modern Art.  Executive Chef, or, as BoMA's website refers to him, "Gentleman Cook" (I have no idea what that is, but it sounds like a job one might take at an old time bordello) is Alex Rodriguez, formerly of the Rossi.  I have yet to grace BoMA with my presence, having been eagerly anticipating the opening of the restaurant.  If anyone visits please send word.
     
• Candlelight at the Conservatory sounds romantic enough to entice me to beg Husband to get a Wednesday night off work and eat food catered by Cameron Mitchell restaurants (that's really saying a lot).  Franklin Park Conservatory is one of Columbus' treasures, and is one of my favorite places in the city.  Until the end of the year, they will have special Wednesday evening hours (December 13th, 20th, and 27th) where you can meander the gardens by candlelight from 5pm -  8pm, and enjoy a dinner in the Palm House at 6pm.  Tickets are $46 (no word on the inclusion of wine at dinner) and reservations can be made by calling Cameron Mitchell Restaurants at 614.297.0870.  There are a few family- and children-oriented events going on, which you can read about by following the link above.
• Another family-oriented event, which sounds like a dream come true to the 4-year-old who still lives in my heart is the life-size gingerbread house and candyland I read about in the food section of this week's Dispatch (registration might be required to view article).  Located at an herb and knickknack store called Herb 'n Ewe, the life-size gingerbread house display, along with the Midwest Gingerbread competition, will take place trough the holidays.  Herb 'n Ewe is located in Thornville, OH - about a 40 minute drive east of Columbus, just south of Johnstown.  For more information, call 740.323.2264.
• It's that time of year again - Wildlights at the Columbus Zoo will take place until the end of the year.  The zoo is decked out in millions of lights, and you can get warm with visits to the aquariums and reptile house if need be.  Tickets are $10 for adults and $6 for kids.

Hopefully I've provided some good ideas on what to do with your weekend.  Next week, when I am not in the midst of Christmas party planning, I will dig a little deeper to find some fun events. 

Housekeeping Notes

I am going through a little design tweek which will hopefully make everything look nicer in the long run.  In the meantime, a few of my pictures might look a little wonky. 

Limoncello Cupcakes

I haven't baked anything for Coworkers in awhile, and cupcakes seemed like just the thing.  If you don't have the patience for buttercream, I suppose you can make an easier version with butter and confectioner's sugar, adding the lemon flavor towards the end.  Limoncello is an Italian lemon liqueur; a digestif (to be quaffed after the meal), it is rather sweet and should be served chilled; it is available at any liquor store.  If you don't have limoncello, you can replace the liquid with all lemon juice.

I used a modified version of Nigella's fairy cake recipe from How to Be a Domestic Goddess, which makes a pretty fine cupcake.  I recommend removing them from the oven before the tops begin to brown, however; take them out when a toothpick comes out clean for a softer cake.

Cupcakes - makes 12:

1 stick butter at room temperature
scant 1/2 cup sugar
pinch salt
1/2 tsp vanilla
1 tsp lemon juice
1 tbsp Limoncello
2 eggs
zest of 1/2 lemon
3/4 cup self-raising flour
1-2 tbsp milk

Preheat oven to 400 and line a 12 cup muffin tin with liners.
In the bowl of a stand mixer, cream together the butter and sugar.  Add the vanilla, lemon juice, and limoncello.  Add the eggs, one at a time, scraping down the sides of the bowl between additions, and blend until light and fluffy.  Add the lemon zest to the flour, tossing a little with a fork to ensure even distribution, and then gradually add the flour to the bowl, mixing on low speed.  Mix until just combined, and then add a tbsp of milk, then a little more until the mixture is a soft batter, similar to (fluffy) pancake batter.  Distribute evenly amongst cups and bake until a toothpick comes out clean.  Place tin on a wire rack to cook slightly and then remove the cupcakes to the rack to cool completely before frosting.

Lemon Buttercream Frosting - will frost more than 12 cupcakes

3/4 cup sugar
2 tbsp water
1 tsp honey (optional)
3 egg yolks
1/2 pound butter, cut into 1/2" cubes and softened
zest from 1/2 lemon
a few drops vanilla extract
1/2 tsp lemon juice
1 tbsp limoncello

Place the sugar, honey and water in a small saucepan and bring to a boil (honey isn't necessary, but it's a natural emulsifier, so I like to add it whenever making frosting as an added guarantee of stability).  Lower heat slightly and boil until the mixture reaches 240 (I just allow it to boil until the eggs are ready, without taking temp), being careful not to let it burn - this takes about 3-5 minutes.
In the meantime, place the eggs yolks in the bowl of a stand mixer and mix on high (with the whip attachment) until the eggs are light and fluffy.  Lower the speed to medium-low and CAREFULLY, add the sugar mixture, pouring it between the whip and the sides of the bowl, as it will harden on the metal.  Turn the heat up to high and whip, whip, whip, until the mixture has reached warm room temperature - you can test this by placing your hands around the bottom of the bowl.  When it is no longer hot, proceed with the butter addition.  This can take up to 12 minutes, so you might want to do something else in the meantime, like the dishes.
Add the butter, piece by piece, allowing each bit to completely incorporate before adding more, about 15-20 seconds.  You will probably notice a change in consistency about halfway through, when it will start to resemble frosting.  When you have about 2 tbsp of butter left to incorporate, add the zest, juice, and limoncello, then proceed adding the butter.  Your mixture should look light and fluffy.  If it's a little soft, simply place it in the fridge for 5 minutes before frosting. 
Frost the cupcakes and refrigerate until 1/2 hour before serving, bring to room temp and serve!

Rice Cooker Desperation Dinner

I like to maintain this image (if only in my head) that I eat only the best possible food, carefully selecting from fabulous fresh fruits and veggies, that I spend hours every day chopping, salting, stirring, etc.  We all, of course, know that is a total lie.  Well, that sounds a bit harsh.  Let's just call it a Potemkin village (click here to learn something).  The truth is, for every lovely-looking dinner I create and document, there are 10 more which consist of something like: spaghetti, salt, pepper and olive oil.  Or maybe this gem: tuna (only the good stuff, of course), eaten from can with rice crackers on the side.  This is one of those meals, which I make every few weeks, usually when cooking for one and feeling tired (and lazy, and like carbo-loading, etc. etc).  Everything goes into the rice cooker and 20 minutes later, voila!  It is more a part of a balanced diet when served alongside a nice chicken breast and some broccoli, truth be told.

Curried Rice and Peas - serves 2, with leftovers for making fried rice balls next day.

1 can coconut milk
Jasmine Rice
water or chicken stock
pinch salt
1 tsp fish sauce
1 tbsp Thai red curry paste, or to taste (I like it spicy)
1 cup frozen peas
Thai garlic chile sauce, for serving

Place the coconut milk in the rice cooker, then fill the can with rice and add to rice cooker.  Fill can with water or chicken stock and add that as well, being sure to get all of the rice bits out.  If your coconut milk is really thick (heavy cream consistency or thicker), add another 1/2 cup water.  Add a good pinch of salt, the fish sauce, and the curry paste.  Once the cooker begins to steam (it depends on your model, check after 7-8 minutes), add the peas, stirring to be sure the curry paste has dissolved into the liquid.

Serve with chile sauce, if desired.  This should cure your carb craving for at least 12 hours.

What Should I do this Week in Columbus?

The holiday season is in full swing.  It might have been 70 degrees here in Columbus, Ohio for the past week, but that doesn't mean it isn't time for shopping and eating.  It just means it's that time in Columbus.  Shopping, eating, and ducking in an out from under your umbrella for the next 2 months, patiently waiting for at least a little snow to make all the cold worth it.  Here are a few thoughts on what to do this weekend, and the week ahead:

• Fist of all, everyone should be going to Skate on State, the temporary ice skating rink on the lawn of the statehouse.  I really wanted to go last week, when it was warm, but a football-induced napping episode left me completely all wonky with a neck/nerve injury all week, so ice skating was out of the picture for me.  This should be a warning to all: dozing off while watching football, just because you're too lazy to get up and find something else to do, can be hazardous to your health!
• Tonight (Friday), you can get all dolled up and decked out in your Santa hat and head to Sugar Bar ( 525 N. Park) for the Kringle Mingle, bring a new, unwrapped toy to benefit Columbus Big Brothers & Sisters and receive a button for discounts at Short North Businesses.  7pm - 11:30pm.
• If you can face the crowds at Easton, check out Shadowbox Cabaret's Holiday Hoolpa show.  Shows are at 7:30pm, tickets are $25.
• The Wexner Center (corner of High & 15th Ave, campus area) still has their Shiny exhibit, as well as all kinds of good films and other exhibits this weekend.
• Saturday night, there's no place to be but the Short North for the Gallery Hop.  If you're coming in from the suburbs, take my advice and park in the parking garage on Vine street instead of driving around forever looking for a space.  It's only $5 or so, and isn't that worth you not getting in a fight with your backseat driving girlfriend before you even get to dinner?  This Saturday, December 2nd, is the Holiday Hop, which means every store will be fabulously decorated from top to bottom and there will be shopping galore.  If you're lucky, maybe they will even get those arches lit.  (Here's a brief history for new Columbusites, or out-of-towners: in the 1800s, Columbus was known as the "Arch City" for the wrought iron arches which lined High street for a mile or 2.  Of course, progress happened and they were torn down.  In the early 2000s, our city leaders decided to erect new arches, which would be lighted and would be a beacon of our fair city for miles around - people would travel to us just to gaze upon our amazing lighted arches.  Until they were actually lit, and then the dream faded.  Quickly.  The arches didn't even stay lit for a week before the lights begain to go out, piece by piece.  Millions of dollars and a few lawsuits later, the arches are supposed to be lit tomorrow night.  You'd better believe I'll be driving through on my way home from work to see how it turned out.)  At Holiday Hop, you can take carriage rides around the park, choke down a few roasted chestnuts, and spend the rest of the evening huddled in a bar, because, of course, it's been 70 degrees all week - until tomorrow, when the high will be 39.  Welcome to Columbus.
• For your libations, I would like to recommend 8 bar; it's a relative newcomer to the Short North, they have a great on-tap beer selection and the wonderful Chef Ben presides over the kitchen (you might remember him from such posts as "Look! Tomatoes!" and "I Grew This!", as he is tomato grower extraordinaire).  I have not yet written up 8 bar, although I have had some great food there and promise to get around to it very soon.  Or in January.  I can personally recommend: fish sticks - pictured above - (I've heard some people criticize their use of tater tots here, but, sitting around a table with Husband's coworkers last Saturday, we came to the conclusion, who doesn't like tater tots!?  Husband claimed he didn't, and then promptly consumed at least 10.  See?  Even if you claim you don't like tater tots, you still do, and you will still eat them with pleasure), lamb shank (should be especially good when it's 30 degrees out!), mac 'n cheese, and their burger is also good, but why get a burger?  Having had previous experience with Chef Ben's duck confit, I'm guessing that is pretty good, too.
• Get in the (cynical) spirit of Christmas and go see CATCO's production of Santaland Diaries.  I am a huge David Sedaris fan, and have seen him read a few times here in Columbus.  It is my holiday tradition to listen to "Holidays on Ice" while wrapping Christmas presents and traveling to various family members' houses for holiday events.  I probably listen to Santaland Diaries 5 times a season and never tire.  This is a play version, along with "Seasons Greetings," which was written by Sedaris, but will be preformed by CATCO members.  It's sure to be a hoot.  For mature audiences only, please.  Here's the best part - on Wednesday mornings at 11am, you can see the show for $11!!!  Perfect for restaurant workers like me.  Other tickets are $24.50 - $39.50.
• If you are a regular to ColumbusUnderground.com, you might want to join them this week for their monthly get-together, which will take place this Thursday, December 7th at Lotus Bar (Brewery District, 482 S Front) from 6p - 9p, drink specials and drawings for Paul Robinett candles.  I plan to attend, barring some sort of work emergency.